Hey lady, where ever you are - probably texting or drinking a $7 Starbucks or sucking water from a Camelback or on your phone filtering a pic for Instagram or generally NOT paying attention - watch. your. kid.
Seriously? I’ve asked her six times not to go UP the slide. But she doesn’t have to listen to me. Because I’m not her boss. But I am the boss of the two kids coming down the slide. The right way. The way they’ve been taught. The socially acceptable way for safety. And they are about to slam their feet into your little darling’s face. And I’m going to laugh. And not even make them say sorry. Because your kid is being an idiot. Plus, she rolled her eyes at me. I don’t take eye rolling lightly.
All of us Moms are here for the same reason - to get out the house. To not watch another movie. To enjoy the fresh air. To let our children run around and get tired in hopes of an early bedtime. But there yours goes, coming down the rock wall, face first, as my two and a half year old is climbing up. The right way. And your kid barely responded when she stepped on my kid’s fingers.
Or what about your son bulldozing himself into my oldest daughter. Knocking her down. Not even looking back. I know you didn’t see it. But you laughed at my kid crying. And I heard you call her a cry baby before you went back to your Candy Crush and Facebook stalking.
What is this? Some weird simulation of The Hunger Games? If so, your kid won’t last. Because I am the mastermind watching the whole damn thing unravel. And I am constantly creating barriers and reconfiguring boundaries. And the odds are not in your kid’s favor.
So I suggest you get off your damn phone. Put down your damn coffee. And come play with your damn kids. Or, at the very least, watch them. Parent them. Acknowledge them. Because I am about two seconds from using my teacher voice and I can assure you that there is no child safe from a Mama with a teacher voice ready protect her tribe.
So get yourself ready.
Or better yet, sit there.
And don’t watch.
I’m sure we’ll meet again.
Karma is a bitch, lady.
And right now, I have the upper hand.